Skip to content

Buddhism and The Booty-Call (conclusion)

October 31, 2012

Otherwise we’d all just be prostitutes and tell you up front: vanilla sex costs this much…kinky sex costs this much… leaving immediately after costs this much…sext pictures cost this much… laughing at your jokes costs this much… clipping your toenails costs this much… tending the carpet burn on my knee (and you know how I got it) costs this much… candlelight and flavored oils cost this much… Well you see what I mean.

Don’t go telling me about my fuggin karma when I ask for money. Especially after you have made it clear you don’t intend to be emotionally available to me at all. The same karma that keeps putting me in economic binds must be some of the same karma that makes you flee from my bed it like it’s on fire, before the morning paper arrives!

Where was Jeremy’s Buddhist compassion to address that part of my karma when I asked him for it? I did ask him for that too, more than once. He didn’t tell me I needed to chant when I told him repeatedly I needed him to stay awhile…to want to be with me beyond the sex; especially after he told me so many times he felt that I was the “total package” – to use his phrasing. No, he didn’t tell me I needed to chant to fulfill that need, he told me some shit about I know you need your pretty sleep so I’m gonna go now…. Which I am left to interpret as yes, I’m the “total package” –   smart, funny, pretty, easy to be with, sexually compatible, a great cook, well read, honest, interesting, entertaining, intriguing… blah, blah, blah) however, his facility is not  signing for and accepting packages today…just kicking them around inside the delivery truck, in case the “Total Package 2.0” arrives.

Well, Bodhisattva if you have no intentions of being emotionally available after that has come to be what I require, but are willing to be physically available, though only for the time it takes from touch to gush with a quick stop at the sink, then gall-dang-it you need be financially available, unequivocally without question.

Now here’s the part where I hear all the people who agree with me say, “Datz right girl!” But I also hear all the people who disagree say something like, “But why should he have to pay for sex you are enjoying too?” And to that I say, because that is the dynamic. It just is. If you scroll back you can re-read how Jeremy himself set up this very dynamic at the close of our first sexual episode.

Remember how he asked about what was wrong with my car and offered to have it looked at by his mechanic?  My car trouble was discussed casually earlier in the same evening at the birthday party but the compassionate Buddhist didn’t offer up his mechanic then. No, he only did so after he realized how much pleasure he had just received from lying with me intimately and knowing how dissatisfied the sexual episode left me.  He felt responsible in some way to make amends and he tried to do so by spending money.

Now, the dynamic is still the same, only the specifics are different. We are still having sex. The sex is physically pleasurable to us both now, however the caveat is that despite the physical pleasure, each encounter carries a hint of emotional pain, for me.  The privilege of emotionally painful sex must be paid for with standard currency. Just as he knew and instinctively appeased my initial dissatisfaction, with car repairs, certainly he is apprised of my new dissatisfaction and should be ready to compensate for it since he is not ready to remedy it.

Or you may say, “Well why continue to have sex with him at all, if it’s so emotionally painful?” And to that I ask, “Have you ever had really good sex?” Do you understand the powerful force that is sex? Continuing to shroud sex in some veil of virtue while never honestly discussing the “nuts and bolts” of it (to re-visit a phrase) is why questions like these are even questions in the first place.  Sex is complex, delicious, and it’s not going away. Promise. It’s why Clinton was impeached, why teenage Bristol Palin had a son, why Schwarzenegger had a son with the cleaning lady, why Todd Akin could open his mouth to say something as ridiculous as “legitimate rape” not to mention Richard Mourdock’s most recent piggybacked comment. Sex is why Israel and Palestine are still fighting (we are the wife’s kids it’s our land – we are the mistress’ kids it’s our land too!).  It’s why the Marquis de Sade spent much of his life in asylum, why the 50 Shades of Grey novels live on the best sellers list, why the kidnapping and trafficking of young girls and women is a violent multi-billion dollar international industry…the list goes on and on!

But don’t think I am not considering no longer making myself sexually available to Jeremy…even though that would be like trying to put a Genie back inside of a bottle. Frankly, Jeremy and I haven’t had sex since our “we need to talk”, talk gained momentum.  It’s quite possible we were just a lusty summer fling that has ended, but these questions are still relevant questions for all adults in sexual situations, and especially for adults who pride themselves on having some kind of “can’t make bad causes” Buddhist mentality.  Like it or not sex is complicated. The purpose of this post is to try and make sense of these complications, not just allow all of you to be voyeurs into my bedroom and bank account, but for you to offer up your insights on the questions I am posing.

Jeremy has to know he is hurting me and isn’t hurting someone a “bad karmic cause”? Whether done intentionally or not, hurting someone is to be avoided at all costs, if one claims to be a stellar Buddhist. What kind of karma is Jeremy creating for himself knowing each time he leaves me when he really doesn’t have to and I’d rather he stay, it causes me a little pain? What kind of karma is Jeremy creating for himself when I ask him for money he has, but chooses not to give to me when I really need it?  If a woman can’t ask the man she is having sex with for money, then who can she ask? CSI-er’s are quick to notice karma when it’s tied to doing something they deem lovely. But the second that same karma gets all twisted up in some shitty cause that they deliberately choose to make over and over again, suddenly they don’t seem to see it as their karma, but shift it to being a problem of the other person’s karma.

Is it me or is it him…Judges?

I’ll be humming the theme music from Jeopardy while you tabulate and post your comments.

Thank you.

                                          

 

6 Comments leave one →
  1. November 1, 2012 8:18 am

    Rouge, I’ve tabulated my comment. I feel it’s both of you. I understand how you “caught feelings” for Jeremy, as the youngsters say. I can also understand how he led you down that particular rabbit hole, dude just had no idea it would go this far. Yes, he felt pressure to perform; we always do, so it ended up being by having your car fixed. But it’s possible he really doesn’t have it like he’s led you to believe he has it and he simply can’t afford to continue the way he started. As for his emotional investment most men feel why bother if I can’t bring the dough. My two marriages failed based on economics each time. Sure there were a series of underlying factors but the common denominator in each breech had something to do with money. Relationships are expensive even the most casual ones, not everyone can afford to play the game. In the end it is the time spent more so than the money spent but it’s hard for a man to see that up close. I missed so many chances to spend real time with my son after my 1st divorce because I couldn’t buy him a pack of gum then, so I chose to stay away, when what he wanted, needed most was to just be with his dad…kick a football or vent about his mom – 8yr. olds are funny as hell when they vent! But for Jeremy to cloak his fico score in your karma well now that was bogus. He should have been more forthcoming and said something like: “Baby, I’d love to help you I just can’t afford to give you what you need right now.” He could have offered to chant for you himself, since that’s where he lives instead of encouraging you to do so since he knows that is not where you live. That was just some broke azz culty bullshit! Oh, Rougie why do you keep messing with those CSI people? You know how they are? Jeremy must be the man of steel….LOL!

  2. November 4, 2012 6:03 am

    Great story, thanks for sharing. My opinion: It’s a matter of gender.

    Men know all better. They know better in politics, in philosophy, in economics and in religious stuff. Men know even better the key points in a womans life. It sounds like a kind of “religious macho man” or religious conceit or arrogance.

    I have heard several stories like this from all religious groups. Arrogant Christians would say in this situation: Oh, you have to “pray more for the grace of god” (means money for a lot of Evangelicals) or “it’s a proof of God”.

    In my eyes such people have a lack of compassion. It sounds like that it’s fair enough for him to “give car repairing” for “taking sex”. That is only a kind of economic relation ship. Typical for men, I think.

    • rougebuddha permalink
      November 4, 2012 6:25 am

      Thank you for reading the story and for your feedback, Imrk. I’m not sure if we are losing something in the translation when you say “men know better” in the various situations you describe…are you saying men should know better (as in that’s just bad behavior, Jeremy you should know better!) or are you saying men know better than women know in these types of situations?

      • November 4, 2012 6:38 am

        Thanks for advice! 🙂 I mean: Men often “think” that they know all stuff better. They have a know-it-all manner even they know nothing. That’s what I want to say.

      • rougebuddha permalink
        November 4, 2012 6:43 am

        I thought that was where you were going but I just had to clarify! Thanks again for your insight and your comments:-)

What do you think???

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: