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Let Me Know If You Need Anything

March 5, 2009

Yeah. Right. How about I need you to go K.M.A. (kiss my small little horse).

We are all living in interesting times. Even the most comfortable of us are foregoing buying the brand new designer dress to wear to the fancy schmancy benefit, because, as I heard one say and I quote, “ I just can’t see spending all that money when so many people are doing so bad.”

Duh! I’m far from an economist, but isn’t part of the reason that things are so bad now, because the folks who have money are not spending it? It would be one thing if this very wealthy woman and wealthy people like her were taking the money they would have spent on the dress and giving it too, to the benefit, but they are not. They are just guilty about spending it. So they won’t. On anything! What’s up with that?

No doubt these are the same people who say to their struggling friends during this time of financial freaking the fugg outness, “If you need anything let me know.”
AAAARRRRRGUE! This has to be the most annoying phrase uttered – EVER!

This is the phrase people say when they want to feel not so bad about having more than you have all the while having no intention of actually offering you any real help.

“Let me know if you need anything.” They say after you have told them, things like…well work has been very slow for me since the 1st of the year (it’s March now so that makes 3 months you cheap ass dummy) but hey at least I still do get a little work from time to time, most of the people in my field have lost their jobs, but I’m holding it together as best as I can.

“Well like I said, let me know if you need anything.”

DUH! What did I just say? Let me try again…My rent is now 2 months behind. My building management has been pretty reasonable with me but most nights I still get up to see if they have posted one of those 5-day quarantine notices on my door for all the neighbors to see. I know I will get it paid, I just don’t know how or how soon. But I’m keeping my head up.

“Well, you let me know if you need anything.”

Are you not listening to me? Okay here goes it one mo’again…You know they say tough times take people back to the simple things in life. This is true. Do you know I have an actual rag in my underwear this month while I’m on the “rag”, because I used my last maxi-pads last month?

“Well, let me know if you need anything.”

Oh just shut up! I got it now. You are the dumbest friend I have, or either you are not my friend at all, and simply mocking me.

Is the prerequisite for getting help from your Jimmy Choo wearing, passport slinging, which fur should I wear friends, to do the nobody knows da’ trouble I’s seen dance where you kick up your heels so they can see the holes in the soles of your shoes? Not doing that.

Yes, things are difficult and they have been for some time now. But I know I will be OK. I may not get to travel and buy new stuff but I will keep my apartment and eat…something…soon!

I’ve also noticed how the people who really want to help you just go ahead and do it. They don’t say stupid shit like, “How much do you need?” Instead they just drop whatever they can part with in the mail with a kind note, leaving your dignity partically in tact. Or they come by for no reason to take you to lunch and they say up front something like, “ Hey buddy I’m here to take you to lunch – my treat – get your coat – won’t take no for an answer!” Instead of the vague, “You wanna go to lunch?” invitation, that leaves the bubble over your head full of sentences that look like…

Uhh heck yeah I wanna go to lunch…I wanted to go to lunch yesterday too…but I don’t have any money so what are you saying? Are you offering to buy me lunch or are you asking me to go with you while you buy your lunch? You know come to think of it, I’m not really THAT hungry…((((angry stomach growl)))).

Don’t misunderstand, and if this shoe does not fit you, do not try to wear it.
I am happy for all of the success anyone, especially my friends, may have. I am not expecting my friends to pull my weight or carry me along my difficult way. What’s yours is yours and you have every right to enjoy it as you see fit.

But do not ask me to let you know if I need anything, when it is obvious I have a laundry list of needs. And it’s even more obvious I do not want to have to ask you or anyone for anything. We all need a little help sometimes, but asking is a bitch. You open yourself up to this kind of rant only when you say something stupid like, “let me know if you need anything”. One person I know took it a step further and said, “Let me know if you need anything…but I know you won’t.”

Well, WTF kind of backhanded offer is that? It’s like telling someone, “Your hair looks pretty today.” Instead of simply saying, “your hair looks pretty.” It implies that all the other days your hair looked like shit. Just as the “I know you won’t”, disclaimer, sounds a resounding, “Whew, glad I don’t really have to dispose of any of my disposable income on your broke ass!”

Buddhists monks used to travel with a begging bowl around their necks for the purpose of living off the alms of strangers. It was straightforward; there was no haggling, like…do you need some rice or a robe? People just gave whatever they had to give because it was the custom and the right thing to do.
Just to be clear, right now I need a little bit of everything…but don’t put yourself out…that would make two of us.



2 Comments leave one →
  1. SEG permalink
    March 10, 2009 8:21 am

    Snap crackle & Pop with the points. A little food for thought, reflection and action.

  2. RPS permalink
    April 28, 2009 5:00 am

    When I first read this I thought yikes she’s angry,
    then yesterday in the rain with groceries one of my
    paper bags broke and my things went flying in the wet street.
    I counted 4 people who stepped over me as I scrambled to retive
    my runaway purchase. 2 of them asked “Are you okay?” but neither of them slowed down to wait for my answer. The fifth person handed me a reusable shopping bag and said, “Here you go”, while sheltering me with her umbrella as I picked up my things.

    Are you busy for lunch today? My treat 🙂

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